It’s taken me a while to come to terms with the things I’m about to share, but from what I’ve learned, a lot of the things we go through, we are not alone in.
WARNING: some of the things I talk about in this post may be triggering for those who have experienced similar situations. In my last blog post, I discussed my mental health, and how I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. They got worse. They got so bad I took myself to get evaluated at a hospital. I told myself that if I ever got that bad, I was not letting it go. My grades were fine, my attendance was okay, but I was not. I went to my advisor at KU and told him everything, and he told me that the best thing to do for my mental health was to withdraw from school. I was literally devastated. I was ashamed. What were people going to think? or say? I felt like I had failed everyone in my life. Of course, I knew that was what I needed to do. So with every ounce of the strength I had left, I packed up my life and moved home. And it was hard. I got a job that I LOVE. And being home has felt so nice. But being away from my friends, my school, my place, has been really hard. I’ve come to terms with the reasons why this happened to me and I know that sharing will help someone out there too. My first few weeks at KU were amazing. I met so many great people, I loved my classes, college was awesome. And then one day it wasn’t. It took me a whole month to even talk about what had happened to me. It’s so common for this to happen, especially at universities. It’s never the girl’s fault but we always ask her if she was drunk, or what she was wearing, or where she was at. That should not matter. In early September, I was sexually assaulted on campus. And it changed my entire college career. It made me not want to go out anymore, or even leave my room. Going to class became harder. I finally reported it a month after it had happened, but there wasn’t much I could do. So I’m sharing it now to help someone else. A lot of people have been in my place. A lot of them are women. It’s OKAY to feel like total shit because of this. It’s okay that what happened to you has changed things. It’s okay that you have to take a step back from your life in order to get it together. People are here for you, and they want to help. The second that I started getting help, I was getting better. But for me, I needed to take a step back from my life in order to help myself. And man, did that hurt. Sometimes doing what’s best for us is one of the hardest things that we have to do. This decision destroyed me. I have felt so left out watching my friends go on without me. I have been so impacted by not being in school for over a month. But I have learned that sometimes it’s OKAY not to have it all figured out. It is O K A Y. I’ll be back at KU in the fall of 2020 to complete my degree, but for now, I’ll be at JCCC and living at home so I can better myself in the meantime. I know that a lot of people don’t want to hear this, me included, but it does get better. I was at the lowest of lows a month ago. It’s okay to hit rock bottom. I did. But getting help is SO important. Please feel free to contact me if you ever are struggling. I would love to help. But remember, professional help is important too.
1 Comment
Nikki Pender
12/9/2019 05:19:25 pm
Abby, you are one awesome and brave human being! Thank you for sharing your story. I know it will help so many others.
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AuthorJust an 19 year old trying to figure out how this all works. Archives
September 2020
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